


The "unproblematic" groupchat

by Felixs-unused-toothbrush (Rainbow_of_sass)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Group chat, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Multi, Texting, chatfic, die mad, got married for tax benefits, i have names written down for their schools n stuff but will i ever use them?, if you can guess which characters i gave my chaotic thoughts to comment and ill uuuuuuh, inspired by MY chaotic groupchats, mail you a cookie, one of my notes for this thing just reads "rainbow flavored" and i thought yall should know, others are not, some people are actually straight because thats Just How The World Works, tune in to find out!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23136985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_of_sass/pseuds/Felixs-unused-toothbrush
Summary: MinHOE: JISUNGI TOLD YOU TO STOPRodent: And?Did I listen?MinHOE: U FOOLBabie: he's dead now I guessMinHOE: he died a big foolRodent: That’s true
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Stray Kids - Relationship, felix/?, queerplatonic minho/jisung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	1. Just dive right into THIS trainwreck folks

**Author's Note:**

> the usernames are fairly obvious to most who have been stays for a Good While. But for all the babies out there  
> Aussie 1: Chan  
> WooBear: Woojin (yeah hes here cuz I started this like a year ago and just Unearthed it in my google docs)  
> MinHOE: Minho  
> Chin: Changbin  
> Prince: Hyunjin  
> Rodent: Jisung  
> Aussie 2: Felix  
> DandyBoi: Seungmin  
> Babie: Jeongin

**Rodent** : i just ate cherries but im too lazy to throw away the pits so ive just been sorta

chewing on them?

rly hope they dont break

**WooBear** : You better hope they don’t, those have cyanide in them

**MinHOE** : Stop Sungie

**Rodent** : crumtch

whoops

cracked one

**Aussie 2** : whelp

hes dead

**DandyBoi** : Ye boi

**MinHOE** : JISUNG

I TOLD YOU TO STOP

**Rodent** : And?

Did I listen?

**MinHOE** : U FOOL

**Babie** : he's dead now I guess

**MinHOE** : he died a big fool

**Rodent** : That’s true

**Prince** : Fresh babies actually have a reflex to suck on whatever touches their palate just in case it’s a titty

**Rodent** : The SUCC reflex

**Aussie 1** : i  _ really _ wish you would stop referring to children as "fresh"

**Prince** : Why it’s not inaccurate

The newborn IS freshly removed

**Chin** : no because it implies we’d get stale

**Prince** : We do

**Chin** : and i sure dont like that

**Aussie 2** : It’s called aging

**WooBear** : thats terrifying Thank You

**Aussie 2** : You’re welcome you stale hyung

**WooBear** : i am not stale yet

**Rodent** : No longer fit for consumption

**WooBear** : i am still ripe thank you very much

**DandyBoi** : You’re not a fresh baby

**Babie** : True

**Chin** : Fresh babies are small and Woojin hyung is an angry skyscraper

**Aussie 1** : this is a conversation that was completely necessary, I assume?

**MinHOE** : Of course it was

**Babie** : Help Felix’s gonna burn down the dorm

**Aussie 2** : I am not

It was just a bit of smoke

**MinHOE** : That’s TOO MUCH SMOKE

**Aussie 2** : The brownies were on fire AFTER my cooking not BECAUSE of it

**Babie** : That’s NOT HOW THIS WORKS

That’s not how ANY OF THIS WORKS

**Rodent** : good smoke or bad smoke

?

**Prince** : ON FIRE SMOKE APPARENTLY

**Aussie 2** : IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN STEAM

**DandyBoi** : good on fire smoke or bad on fire smoke/

**WooBear** : THERE IS NO GOOD ON FIRE SMOKE WHEN YOURE COOKING BROWNIES

**Aussie 1** : the line between self care and self destruction is a thin one but boy do i walk it hard

i just ate like ten chocolate bars, a bowl full of goldfish, and then an entire bag of carrots

**DandyBoi** : I sincerely hope you mean the snacks and not actual living goldfish 

**Aussie 1** : GULP 

**Prince** : this is why we dont let australians near the fishtank rip Chan hyung

**Aussie 2** : Sooooooooo

Guess who’s currently not single

**DandyBoi** : Wh

WHO

**Prince** : You????

**Aussie 2** : I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

AGAIN

YEET

I’m not going to name names

and if you try to guess I’m not going to answer

**WooBear** : Congrats! 

**Aussie 2** : THANK YOU!!!

Also it’s a secret as of rn

Don’t TELL ANYONE

**MinHOE** : Meanwhile, I still haven’t found love TT

**Babie** : You’re dating a boy and you won’t TELL US WHO

NyeEEEEEEEH

**Prince** : Yeah spill the beans

**WooBear** : Can you at least tell us who it’s not

Like if it’s not a JYP student or smth

And then we can use process of elimination???

**Aussie 1** : Felix get back on the chat you aren’t allowed to leave yet

**Aussie 2** : Sorry I have class I won't be online/back until 1pm

**Babie** : You sneak you timed this

**Aussie 2** : Me? Sneaky? Whatever would make you think that???

;^)

K byeeee!

**DandyBoi** : YOU CANT JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT AND L E A V E

**Rodent** : okay time to stalk this person

**WooBear** : jisung no

**DandyBoi** : Can I help? I’ve definitely done this before

**Rodent** : alright

**Prince** : where does he live

and stuff

**DandyBoi** : If anyone tells you that you need to sleep to grow big don’t listen to them

I’ve been sleep deprived since I was like 9 and i’m taller than all y’all except hyunjin

**Chin:** It’s an absolute scam I sleep 10 hours a night AND IM STILL SHORT

**WooBear** : I hear that you only grow between 12 and 2

Or something

So maybe it's just how often you're asleep then

**Prince** : Well good because those are the hours I spend lying facedown on my bathroom floor in despair

**DandyBoi** : We’re all good guys


	2. This really isnt going to go up in quality or plot ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DandyBoi: can i turn myself into a kimchi salad if i try hard enough  
> Babie: probably

**DandyBoi** : gah college visit planning

**Prince** : gah college visits

**Aussie 2** : gah college

**Rodent** : gah

**DandyBoi** : can i turn myself into a kimchi salad if i try hard enough 

**Babie** : probably

**Prince** : All aboard

**Aussie 1** : Frogs on a snake why???

**Prince** : All aboard

**Chin** : why?

**Prince** : choo choo

**DandyBoi** : train

**Rodent** : There are so many beautiful athletic frat boys coming on this plane

I’m too overwhelmed

**DandyBoi** : What age

Like college or high school

**Prince** : Are you near one

**Rodent** : College

**MinHOE** : Get u a sugar daddy

**Rodent** : I think I can see one but I can only see his hair

And why would a broke ass college boy be my sugar daddy

I can do better than that

**Aussie 1** : That’s the spirit

**Babie** : Speaking of ghosts my house is super haunted 

**Rodent** : Yum

**DandyBoi** : Delicious

**Prince** : They wanna slorp ur elbows

**Aussie 2** : Chan’s dad won’t let me make Alexa stop playing despaseatoad

**Aussie 1** : My dad played despacito on the Alexa and Lixie looks

So disappointed

**Aussie 2** : I AM

**Babie** : ME TOO

**MinHOE** : Broski will you go to senior prom with me

**Rodent** : Yes

**MinHOE** : Oh wait no I need a promposal, if I give you this rice will you go to prom with me?

**Rodent** : That is literally my rice, I cooked that and gave it to you yesterday

**MinHOE** : So is that a yes?

**Rodent** : asdfdkajf it was  _ already _ a yes 

**Prince** : Y’all whats ur favorite disinfectant?

**Rodent** : sodium chloride

no ballz

**DandyBoi** : Salt doesn’t really disinfect tho it just hurts

**Rodent** : exactly

**Chin** : no wait

bleach

**Aussie 2** : no wait

both

**WooBear** : Put neosporin or triple antibiotic after cleaning with a bit of iodine or isopropyl

**Aussie 1** : Salty bleach???

**Aussie 2** : The perfect pizza topping

**WooBear** : Then cover with breathable dry bandage

**Aussie 1** : wtf

pizza topping?

**Rodent** : Yes

**Aussie 1** : thats disgusting

**Chin** : it should be the sauce

**DandyBoi** : You’ve obviously never tried salty bleach on pizza before

**Chin** : who has liquid toppings on pizza

except syrup

**Aussie 2** : No the sauce HAS to be pesto or else it doesn’t WORK

**Chin** : no

disguting

**Aussie 1** : Pesto in general or pesto pizza with salty bleach?

**Chin** : liquid topping that isnt syrup

**DandyBoi** : Fine then

Pesto pizza with salty bleach syrup

**Chin** : thats

no

salty bleach pizza

the only way it works

ooooh i could make tht

it would look like a normal pizza

but u take a bite

and die

**Rodent** : Delicious

**Chin** : exactly

**Prince** : this is way off topic

**Babie** : When does this group chat ever have a topic

BTW Hyunjin why were you asking?

**Prince** : Oh I sliced my hand open while peeling carrots

**Babie** : I just went out with a friend and got my nails done which is wild because I don’t remember having done that before

Now I sparkle

**Prince** : You should get a pedicure sometime it’s

An experience

**Rodent** : Show us the manicure op

**Babie** :

**Aussie 2** : OWO

**Babie** : It’s super glittery!!! And it’s gel so it’s supposed to stay on for a long time!

**Chin** : Ooooo

**DandyBoi** : Delicious

**WooBear** : ???

Okay 

Sure 

“Delicious”

**Rodent** : Nutritious

**MinHOE** : Part of a balanced breakfast

**Aussie 2** : Slorpable

**Prince** : yall suck fingers. smh x100

**Prince** : A concept- 

I’m wearing rainbow shorts

There’s a rainbow outside 

We are at the end of pride month 

My parents don’t realize I’m

Do I

Should I tell them?

Like right now

**Aussie 1** : Uhhhh

How do you think they’d react

**Prince** : Time sensitive

**MinHOE** : You should gesture to the rainbow and yell “well ONE OF US NEEDS TO CHANGE

**Prince** : I’m coming out to them today I guess

**WooBear** : GOOD LUCK

**Rodent** : this is so surreal im over at the HyunSeung dorm with Innie and Seungmin just  _ yelled _ from the bathroom “IM 100% ASEXUAL” and then *in unison* they yelled back “WE KNOW BABE” and i am Terrified. They are TOO in sync

**Babie** : well to be fair it is a common occurrence

**DandyBoi** : askdhskfak i didnt know you were in the r o o m


	3. Just accept that this is the most backstory you're ever going to get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chin: its such a shame i dont sleepwalk
> 
> DandyBoi: a SHAME???
> 
> Chin: imagine how many pokemon go kilometers i would get

**Aussie 1** : Achievement unlocked: yelled FUCK so loudly my neighbors knocked to ask if I was ok

**MinHOE** : A-are you ok?

**Aussie 1** : Uhh depends on what ok is

Am I physically hurt? Yes and no

**Rodent** : What do you MEAN yes AND no

**Aussie 1** : Am I forever terrified of isopropyl alcohol now? Yes

Ok so I went biking yesterday and took a pretty bad fall

**WooBear** : What did you DO

**Chin** : Oh god did you disinfect your cut with isopropyl alcohol and use too much?

**Aussie 1** : I skinned my knee pretty badly and elbow as well as gashes in my elbow

And I get (minor) infections pretty easily and it’s not looking so hot rn

So I poured alcohol into it

And promptly yelled FUCK

**Aussie 2** : Hyung. How the FUCK are you a nursing student

**Aussie 1** : ALCOHOL IS A GOOD DISINFECTANT

**Aussie 2** : yeah but you know that shit hurts and you POURED IT ON

At least like

Wipe it with a cotton swab

**Aussie 1** : NOT GONNA LIE AFTER POURING A DECENT AMOUNT ON MY INJURIES I KINDA WANTED TO DRINK SOME BUT I DIDNT

yeah but it’s temporary pain

**Prince** : Ok but you also wasted isopropyl sooo

**Aussie 1** : And the lil fuzzy pieces of cotton always get stuck in the wound

**WooBear** : don’t you DARE DRINK IT

**Aussie 1** : IM NOT GONNA

I think I used too much bc usually I’m fine

**DandyBoi** : No shit you used too much

**Aussie 1** : I’ve never seen Bam’s eyes go so wide as when I was chatting with him and pressed a pad soaked in isopropyl to my elbow without breaking conversation

Also excuse you I’m a great nursing student

Nurses don’t treat themselves

**Chin** : Just don’t do that to a patient ig

And ur Gucci

**Aussie 1** : I won’t while they’re awake

**Babie** : That’s Terrifying op

**Chin** : its such a shame i dont sleepwalk

**DandyBoi** : a SHAME???

**Chin** : imagine how many pokemon go kilometers i would get

**Rodent** : Feel Bad but do i have time for that right now??? Hahahah no

**Aussie 1** : srsly mate you good

**Rodent** : define good

am i cozy as hell on two chairs pushed together

hell yeah

**Babie** : Aju nice

**Rodent** : am i feeling the emotional crash of a week of stress that culminated in a neck and backache caused by hunching over a table for a couple hours carving my feelings into rubber?

yeah

**Babie** : Aju not nice

**Chin** : Why rubber

**Rodent** : why NOT

**Chin** : True

**Prince** : Get yourself a heating bag and some snaccs

  
  


**Babie** : I’M IN THE BATHROOM

MY NOSE IS BLEEDING AGAIN

**Rodent** : Oh nOwO

**MinHOE** : The ghosts are angwy

**Babie** : SCREW YOU DEMONS I JUST WANT TO SHOWER

**DandyBoi** : Demons say no

**Babie:** am

UNAMUSED

I didn’t ask for this

**Prince** :The demons just wanna say hi

**Babie** : Oof

**Aussie 2** : Jeongin’s an anime girl

**Babie** : I’m

What???

**MinHOE** : Nosebleeds

**Babie** : IT’S GETTING WORSE OH MY GOD

**Aussie 1** : don't panic it'll increase your blood pressure

**DandyBoi** : Embrace your inner anime

**Rodent** : Oh fuck it’s them demon bois

**WooBear** : All three of these are valid responses and sum up our friend group as a whole

**Prince** : Yeah

**WooBea** r: This is random but I dyed my hair black

Temporarily

For Halloween and stuff

**MinHOE** : Isn’t

Isn’t your hair black?

**WooBear** : Minho

My hair is dyed brown

What are you talking about

**MinHOE** : Yeah but like rly dark brown

I can’t tell the difference gimme a break

**Aussie 1** : No?

It’s pretty light actually hold up

**Prince** : ….Minho hyung

**Rodent** : hyung what?

**DandyBoi** : Super spoopy

**Babie** : His hair is light brown

Whatchu mean

**MinHOE** : Blease just let me LIVE

**Babie** : No

  
  



	4. UwU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters were all the content i have prewritten so uuuh if you want more then comment? cuz ill have to W r i t e it

**Prince** : This just in: Seungmin’s a feathery

**DandyBoi** : I’m a what now

Because I can put my foot behind my head???

**MinHOE** : Furry but with birds

**Babie** : he's a WHAT

**WooBear** :WHY

**Prince** : No because he said to me

“MY PLUMAGE IS NOT AS COLORFUL AS YOURS SO I GOTTA IMPRESS YOU SOMEHOW. I am but a crow disguised as a lesbian”

**DandyBoi** : NO IM REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE EXTREMELY PRETTY AND THAT IMPRESSES ME DAILY AND I DONT WANNA BE LIKE STRAIGHT GUYS WHO GET THE GIRL THEN COMPLETELY STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS HER BECAUSE YOURE MY BEST QP BUD

So I gotta flex

**Rodent** : Or if you’re actually a crow disguised as a lesbian would that make you a skin-y

**Aussie 2** : Flex away my fine feathered friend 

flex away 

**Rodent** : As in a bird that dresses in a skinsuit

**Aussie 1** : A doctor then

**Chin** : Jin stop making it weird your boyfriend is trying to be a good boyfriend and

I'm sorry wHAT

**Babie** : Wh

**WooBear** : Honeybruh

**Aussie 2** : WHAT KIND OF DOCTORS ARE YOU GOING TO?????

**Rodent** : Explain

**Aussie 1** : Ah shit i forgot to put plague in there

**Chin** : "Honeybruh"

**MinHOE** : Cuties 

**Chin** : There’s someone in my house and they asked my mom tf was going on with me and I had to explain to her that I’m laughing my fucking head off bc “doctors are just birds that dress in a skin suit” jfc

**Rodent** : You really dug your own grave with that one

**DandyBoi** : This chat is destroying my credibility here

**WooBear** : You do that all on your own

**Aussie 2** : Don’t give us too much credit

**DandyBoi** : ...

True

**Babie** : I’m gonna pass out now

**Prince** : Enjoy your coma

**Babie** : yum

**Rodent** : I

I guess I'll sleep too 

**Babie** : Minnieyou're rubbing off on me I'm scared

**DandyBoi** : Delicious

**Chin** : Only 84 days until I am officially a senior

**Babie** : Oh duck that

I hope u know that as a senior u will hold absolutely no power over me

**DandyBoi** : do you ever get tired of being wrong all the time

**Babie** : No but u must know what that feels like

**Chin** : ya know youre really bad at roasting people

ok gotta skert skrt to uppr classman activities

**Babie** : Frick u

Baiii

  
  


**Prince** : what should i eat for breakfast

**Rodent** : your mom

**Prince** : ill eat you

**Rodent** : ples no

i beg of you

spare me

**Prince** : no

**Rodent** : y

no u love me?

**Aussie 2** : because hecc u thats y

**Aussie 2** : you know what, im tired of living in the shadow of Chrispy hyung

**MinHOE** : what do you mean

**Drop Bear** : New Year New Me

**DandyBoi** : felix its march

**WooBear** : the bear theme is already taken, youll be hearing from my lawyers

**DANCE DANCE** : fine how about this????   
**DandyBoi** : hands OFF of day6

**Dablix** : ok who changed my name

**Rodent** : its what you deserve

**Aussie 1** : Mood: I have 3 moms and I love them all. Very much

**MinHOE** : who

**Aussie 1** : Mom 1 (actual mom)

Mom 2 (Yoo Jeongyeon noona, she makes me snacks whenever i visit their dorm and hang)

Mom 3 (Brian)

**Dablix** : Please don’t say Woojin hyung for the third one

Oh okay

Thank god 

**WooBear** : Felix what the shit

**Dablix** : HAHAHAHA

I’M SORRY-

**Aussie 1** : What kind of kinks do you think I fuckin have

Don’t answer that

**Chin** : Woojin hyung has been my mother since freshman year and look how I turned out, I don’t think he is a good mother

**Dablix** : HAHAHAH A LOY

Lot*

**Rodent** : Changbin hyung don’t disrespect your lesbian moms like that

**Prince** : ya bin hyung who do u think u are

**WooBear** : blease im not chan’s mother

**DandyBoi** : Straights don’t have rights

**WooBear** : im his Wife

**Roent** : HHHHHH

**WooBear** : im Your Mother @you guys 

**MinHOE** : Seungmin you do realize what youre saying as a straight man

**DandyBoi** : no ur not Wooj, Chan is

Ur my aunt

**Prince** : Minnie congrats on coming out to us like that ig

**Aussie 1** : no you dont understand

**WooBear** : I’m your aunt?

**DandyBoi** : I’m straight

**Chin** : I’m confused

**Aussie 1** : Woojin and i are everyones lesbian moms

**MinHOE** : wooj is also weirdly my sister

**Aussie 1** : this was decided before you were even born

**WooBear** : Eat ur fruits and hydrate

**Babie** : Okay so now I have four moms

**WooBear** : I’ll get y’all some brunch

**Chin** : OO YES PLS

**Rodent** : A good amount of moms

**Aussie 1** : we can make pavlova

**Babie** : I don’t have any straight moms

**Prince** : what about your ACTUAL MOTHER

**Babie** : OH YA HAHAHAHAHAHA

jinne holy crap I forgot abt her

Eh she doesn’t count

**MinHOE** : innie no

**Chin** : good fuckin job innnie

**Prince** : Don’t cuss at a child chanbgin hyung

**Rodent** : chanbgin

**DandyBoi** : chanbgin

**MinHOE** : chanbgin

**Chanbgin** : chanbgin

Alright who changed my name

**WooBear** : hush chanbgin


End file.
